This shall rank as one of the most inane things I have ever done and challenge the concept of 'limited warranty'. In celebration of the holidays I purchased two boxes of candy canes a week ago (on sale) and have been happily partaking of them on a daily basis. I was enjoying a candy cane while reading in bed last night. In the middle of the night I woke up with the desire to consume the rest of the candy cane on the night stand. I tried to snap it with my teeth but could not get the wrapper off. I gnawed on it for quite a bit and the wrapper still would not give. Then I woke up. I had been dreaming of candy canes which is sweet, somewhat akin to the 'visions of sugar plums danced in their heads', except in this case the alleged candy cane was, instead, my brand new pair of rimless prescription glasses which I chewed the arm right off of. I found it on the floor, hiding fearfully under the bed skirt. They're new. They're guaranteed for life at a very chic shop in midtown Baltimore (I will wear any clothes that are within reach but glasses are the one thing I will spend money on.) I am more than willing to say I dropped them, kicked them, closed them in a door. But I do not know how to explain the bite marks.
The misfirings of my beloved/despised mind that conspire to convince me to destroy all have rendered me housebound and led to a solitary life. I am a creature of past, proof, memory and imaginary friends.